after a long time i have returned to this situation. i am again contemplating about a meeting with my old friend, thanatos.
i am no longer certain what event precipitated such a thought. i am not even sure if what i am considering is even right or not. i know that even such consideration is folly, but i feel that i must, and i am one to be swayed by my tempestual emotions.
i am finding myself making up reasons for these sinister thoughts. one of these is to relieve my husband of a constant headache and to remove the pestering thorn on his side. maybe then he would be able to breathe easily. i was never much of a wife anyway. if i were to be gone, he might be able to find a much suited partner. then there is my daughter. it is a blessing that she be so young. she would never remember me once i am gone so it would nit be much of a loss. her grandparents and grand aunts will take very good care of her then. as for other things, i have lived n unremarkable life. i believe that i will leave just as unremarked.
maybe i am just being selfish and these thoughts are made because i am crying for help? whatever it is, it does not change what i feel. and i feel trapped in a prison all my own and that there is no other release than by taking thanatos’ hand and going with him to sheol.